We were having dinner. He had come to the city to help me hang some pictures and set braces for curtain rods. I had promised dinner and we needed to pick up some hooks. Panera was conveniently on the way.
He told me he wanted nothing more than for me to be happy. I quickly looked down at my soup to hide the quick tears that filled my eyes.
How do explain to your father you don't feel like you deserve happiness?
I blinked away tears and looked him in the eyes. "Nothing would bring me more joy than to see you be happy," he said.
" I know, Dad." Happiness is about a million miles away. I'll settle for "not miserable".
"You know your mother and I love you. You are such a blessing to us. You've made us so proud."
"I know. I love you guys too." It was all I could to not cry into my soup in the middle of the restaurant.
"We just want to see you happy."
"Me too, Dad."
I don't understand how I ended up with my parents. They are wonderful people. One of the few bright spots in my life. I don't deserve them or their unconditional love. I don't understand why they love me so much or do so much for me.
A text from my father later that night said "Enjoyed the evening. I always enjoy spending time with you."
Me too, Dad. I always feel better when I spend time with you.
Always.
3 comments:
You certainly are blessed to have them as your parents. Your dad's wisdom is evident in the way he spoke with you. He said what you needed to hear. Always appreciate them.
I hope someday my children speak so kindly of me and hubs. Nothing is better than being a blessing to your children.
Matty, you are so right. My father has an uncanny ability to say what I need to hear. I do appreciate them and know I am blessed. Even though I know they are proud of me, it's hard to know they are watching me struggle and can't do anything to fix it. I imagine that's one of the hardest things a parent experiences: being unable to fix something or take away your child's pain.
Pseudonymous, thank you for your kind words. I am sure your children will speak the same of you and your husband. From what I've read on your blog, it sounds like you both have raised two lovely children.
Also, thanks for posting pictures of Hawaii! It's nice to see shots of my old stomping grounds. There's nothing quite like living in Hawaii.
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