Unconditional

We were having dinner. He had come to the city to help me hang some pictures and set braces for curtain rods. I had promised dinner and we needed to pick up some hooks. Panera was conveniently on the way.

He told me he wanted nothing more than for me to be happy. I quickly looked down at my soup to hide the quick tears that filled my eyes.

How do explain to your father you don't feel like you deserve happiness?

I blinked away tears and looked him in the eyes. "Nothing would bring me more joy than to see you be happy," he said.

" I know, Dad." Happiness is about a million miles away. I'll settle for "not miserable".

"You know your mother and I love you. You are such a  blessing to us. You've made us so proud."

"I know. I love you guys too." It was all I could to not cry into my soup in the middle of the restaurant.

"We just want to see you happy."

"Me too, Dad."

I don't understand how I ended up with my parents. They are wonderful people. One of the few bright spots in my life. I don't deserve them or their unconditional love. I don't understand why they love me so much or do so much for me.

A text from my father later that night said "Enjoyed the evening. I always enjoy spending time with you."

Me too, Dad. I always feel better when I spend time with you.

Always.

Yeah, Me Too...

Have you ever had something troubling you and you wanted to talk about it with someone, but you really wanted them to ask? Which means you basically expect that person to have mind-reading super powers because how the crap are they supposed to know when you've got something on your mind.

Ever started crying and can't for the life of you pin point the reason why?

Do you wonder if other people put up with you and suffer your company simply because they're too nice to tell you to go away?

Do you sometimes wonder if certain people would still be your friend even if you weren't useful or interesting to them anymore?

Have you ever claimed you're not bothered by what others say about you, but secretly you ARE bothered?

Have you ever felt something shift in a relationship and suddenly everything's different? You know it's different and yet you can't figure out why it happened or how to fix it. Have you ever been too afraid to mention it to the other person?

Have you ever scoffed at or made fun of the very thing you secretly want the most? Or been ashamed to admit that thing you so desperately want is the one thing you can't seem to have?

Have you ever wanted to slap someone for complaining about their life when what they have is the very thing you desperately want for yourself?

Have you ever felt ashamed for not being content with what you have? (see above.)

Have you ever been disgusted with another person's actions, only to realize you've done that very same thing?

Have you ever come to a place where you just want to give up? As if everything you do and say is wrong?

Have you ever felt invisible?

Have you ever been so desperate for a change or to feel alive that you've done something incredibly stupid and/or dangerous?

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