I found a bunch of old photos last weekend. Pictures of my sister and I when we were kids, pictures of me as a teenager, pictures of our family from years and years ago. Looking at those photos, I so desperately want to go back. I want to go back to those days as a carefree kid. I want to go back to my teenage years and be nicer to my parents.
I want to go back to August 2nd, 1999, the day before a good friend of mine was killed in a car accident, just to tell her how much she meant to me.
I would go back to when we lived in Hawaii when I was eight year old just to experience my family the way it used to be. The way I used to be. Free. Content. Happy.
I would go back to my years as a teenager and make better choices. I would cherish my time as a kid, I would be more grateful to my parents who sacrificed so much to give my sister and I a good life.
I just want to go back to being that gawky, skinny kid I used to be and for just one day be her again. Back when life was simple. Back when I didn't have to worry about things like bills and working at a job I hate.
I don't want to be me. I don't want to be here. Some days it takes all that's in me to get out of bed. Some days I don't even want to live. I feel like I'm living a lie. I'm going through the motions...for what?
I want to go back.
