I found a bunch of old photos last weekend. Pictures of my sister and I when we were kids, pictures of me as a teenager, pictures of our family from years and years ago. Looking at those photos, I so desperately want to go back. I want to go back to those days as a carefree kid. I want to go back to my teenage years and be nicer to my parents.
I want to go back to August 2nd, 1999, the day before a good friend of mine was killed in a car accident, just to tell her how much she meant to me.
I would go back to when we lived in Hawaii when I was eight year old just to experience my family the way it used to be. The way I used to be. Free. Content. Happy.
I would go back to my years as a teenager and make better choices. I would cherish my time as a kid, I would be more grateful to my parents who sacrificed so much to give my sister and I a good life.
I just want to go back to being that gawky, skinny kid I used to be and for just one day be her again. Back when life was simple. Back when I didn't have to worry about things like bills and working at a job I hate.
I don't want to be me. I don't want to be here. Some days it takes all that's in me to get out of bed. Some days I don't even want to live. I feel like I'm living a lie. I'm going through the motions...for what?
I want to go back.
3 comments:
Hey, hey, hey... it's ok darlin'... it's ok. You're not alone either. There are a lot of days that I feel just like that, but we get up and don't let the bastards beat us.
Your wondering reminds me of a saying my dad always tells me, youth is wasted on the young. That seems to get truer the older I get.
But you'll get through it. From what I've read in here, you're strong enough to whoop this, easy. All you need is a big strong loving hug. Unfortunately... this is the best I can do. :P
*HUG*
We all have regrets Leigha. I could make a list a mile long of things I would change if I could go back. But those things we can't undo? They can guide us in going forward.
Heya Sweets! Missin' ya, and I've kinda been concerned from the tone of your post. Drop by and at least let us know you're alright.
Besides... you owe me a post on why guys don't even get interesting until 35. ;)
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